I was hiking recently among the oldest living creatures on the planet, in the Ancient Bristlecone Pine Forest in the White Mountains on the California/Nevada border. These trees have survived for more than 4000 years in the high desert, enduring harsh conditions at a high altitude in inhospitable soil with very little water. You can see in their bodies how they have survived, twisting thick, dense roots through and around rocks to find purchase against the wind and snow, angling squat trunks and wide branches with small clusters of hard needles to grow slowly and patiently in the direction of sustenance.
Walking past these ancients, I feel like a gnat in their majestic presence. My entire life is a blink of an eye for them. I feel weak and vulnerable and insignificant compared to their steady, sure growth, their vast life span. I also feel awe-struck, and a deep sense of peace, something that has been scarce in my life the past few weeks.
I was laid off from my job more than a month ago, and I immediately went into resource conservation mode. Ancient Bristlecone Pines are masters of resource conservation, living in the environment they do. I was prudent and made sure I had some savings to get me through a job search, but spending money when it is finite and another paycheck may or may not be coming soon has made me think differently about what is a necessity versus a luxury. Here are some of the choices I have been making:
- Charitable giving was the first thing to go. Sorry, local nonprofits, favorite political figures and warriors fighting the good fight to stop climate change!
- Cable TV went next. The only thing I was really watching was baseball, and the Giants need a year to get used to their new manager anyway.
- I held on to my gym membership for the first month because it supports my physical and emotional health. How could I give that up? And then I figured I could find other, cheaper ways to stay strong and healthy.
- I love good food, and I spend an inordinate amount of money on groceries each month. Now that I have more time than money, I’ve turned my weekly sprint to the closest grocery store into an hour-long journey to three different markets, starting with the bargain shopper’s paradise — Grocery Outlet.
- We’ve also cut way back on meat, because I can’t bring myself to buy the cheap, mass-produced stuff (Hello, Nevada County Beef!). I don’t miss the meat, but the kids do, especially when my son gets home from a 19-mile mountain bike ride and I fling a few sprigs of cauliflower in his direction for dinner.
- Dinners out? Only on special occasions, in dire situations like road trips, or if we are in the neighborhood of something really special. I could not, in good conscience, pass up the fish tacos at the Whoa Nelly Deli in Lee Vining when we were in the Eastern Sierras.
- Most of the road trips where we stopped for fast food were for my son’s mountain bike races, which I still considered a necessity. The mountain bike team has been the best thing to happen to him in a long time. I still paid for race-critical bike repairs until the season ended in May, but the annoying squeak my bike is making will have to wait until I have a job again.
- Gas? Also a necessity, although I have been toying with the idea of riding my squeaky bike more places.
- Occasional coffees and drinks with friends? Justified! It’s for networking. And also my sanity. It’s just no longer a weekly habit. Miss you, Outer Heaven!
- Vacations? Well, a necessity. We have a family trip to Chicago planned that was mostly paid for when I was still working. I’m not cancelling it, even though the dining out and just two tourist attractions will deplete my savings. Because? It’s for the children! This is what life is about – experiences, together, which are rarer now that my kids mostly prefer to spend time with their friends instead of their mom. I realize taking this vacation may sound foolhardy to some, but I am committed.
- I’m also planning a solo writing retreat, technically a vacation, for when my kids are in the Czech Republic for a few weeks this summer. I’m trying to do it as cheaply as possible – camping, staying with friends, cooking my own food. I want to take advantage of my rare kid-free time, and make progress on the creative non-fiction writing I was so excited about before I lost my job. Maybe I’ll regret it if I run out of money the following month, but I would arguably regret it more if I stayed home and did nothing but look for a job for three weeks.
It’s a very tough job market in tech and consulting, where I have earned a good living for the past few decades, and I may need to conserve my resources a bit more stringently, move some “necessities” to the “luxuries” column over the next month or two if that’s what it takes. Just documenting my choices here is making me re-think them. But I still want to enjoy my life, and honestly, I would never make it as an Ancient Bristlecone Pine. Not enough food choices or travel opportunities.
Like those pines, I’m very lucky to live next to the Sierra Nevada mountains, full of free recreation opportunities and a source of grounding for me. Plenty to occupy me on breaks from the job search. Maybe I’ll visit those pines again when I need a pep talk on persevering.
